Fetish Advice

A gentleman asks:

The lady in my relationship has decided that I should be wearing some type of chastity device so I purchased a through-hole penis plug (the one in the photo above, from JT’s Stockroom)but I cannot get it in no matter how hard I try (the shoulder is approximately 7/16 dia.). My lady and I figure that if it is so difficult to get in, we should just keep working on it every day, and then finally when we do get in in, it will be in so securely that it will never come out because of the reverse-tapered shoulder (unless we want to tear my dick apart…). My lady thinks this would be a great device because she could attach a leash to it and lead me around with impunity or secure me to a post as needed. But better yet she could attach a chain to the ring and run the chain back through my legs and around my waist and lock it so that my dick will be held curved downward and thus be secured in a “chastity” position. In such a case we are hoping that the penis plug would be secure enough to not be removable and she would have to unlock the chain from the ring in order for me to even take a piss. It all sounds logical, no? Question: Is there any medical reason why we could not leave the plug in me permanently? It seems short enough to be relatively comfortable even when I’m flaccid once we get it in. But can we really expect me to eventually stretch enough to take it? Trying to force it in now even with lube doesn’t seem to work even when i [ignore] the pain. What we think we need to do is get it in as quickly as possible without a long period of slow stretching that would end up making removal possible. we figure that if we can get it in soon at any expense of pain, without destroying me, then my penis would return to its original size as much as it can and fit very snugly around the plug, thus keeping it in for good. Is this expectation practical. If I keep enduring the pain will it eventually go in?

The plug would prevent coitus but not masturbation.

The penis plugs I’m aware of don’t prevent urination. Suprvising that would be a terrible burden on her.

Human flesh is amazingly adaptable. I wouldn’t be surprised if the plug didn’t become something that required surgery to remove.

If you are really planning to leave it perpetually inserted you might as well ask your doctor. She or he will eventually find out about it.

Have you considered the potential problems if you need to go to court, an airport of an emergency room or other place where metal detectors are in use?

Testicle collars are fine for leashing and don’t have all the complicatons.

Richard
May 25, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑

im very much into male domination….humiliation on the phone or by cam…. how do i get started

Plenty of women are hoping this is an easy way to make lots of money without stirring out of the house. As with any other trade it takes talent and effort. Lazy phone sex operators aside from failing drag down the practice in general.

You are going to need to a means of getting paid. NiteFlirt is the most common service.

And you need to learn how it is done. I’ll point you to my favorite phone goddess Angela St. Lawrence. She’s an exemplar of creativity and empathy.

You should take time to learn what you can buy joining some of the PSO forums. I’ll let you do your own Googling of that.

Richard
April 15, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑

I’m new to this - I’m stright & would like a ltr with a dom - women who is into scat. How do I go about this???

You have a very uncommon fetish. Normally it shows up in tops’ profiles as something they won’t.

You can try the usual things. Post an ad on Craigslist, a profile on CollarMe.com and Alt.com.

But really I suspect you’ll have to seriously consider finding a professional dominatrix who is willing to indulge your desire for scat.

Richard
April 15, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑

I’m sure the main question is: who are you to be offering advice?

I could point out the human history is stuffed full of people who’ve offered advice simply because they felt like it. But human history can easily be seen as a concatenation of unpleasantness, pedantry and pretension.

I’m a reasonably bright, fairly empathetic white American male with a broad and eclectic sexuality. I’m not much given to seeing other people’s erotic lives as wicked. Guilt about sexuality while mostly unknown to me personally is something I’ve often witnessed and view as one of the great blights on mankind.

People who ask for advice would be grateful for a magic bullet that would cure all their erotic ills. Who wouldn’t? And some are foolish enough to expect just that. Not much you can do about that.

Others are looking for validation, confirmation of what they’ve already decided or chosen. A fairly ordinary vice.

In many cases the only thing a stranger’s - or even an intimate’s - advice can provide is sounding board for stimulating your own thinking.

There’s no pretence of offering solutions here. The devil is always in the details: the nuances and quirks of the individuals involved. What I suggest may be worth the nothing that is paid for it. It is also easily discarded or ignored.

Everybody needs a hobby: this is one of mine.

Richard
January 28, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑

I live with my boyfriend and we’ve been dating a little over 2 years. When we first got together, I was very shy. He always made the first move. Lately though, he’s asked me to…spank him and call him a “good boy.” He even introduced the subject of female dominance. I’ve researched the topic and although I’m not into making him be my “slave” in any way, he (excuse my language) get’s off a lot sooner and is more excited in intimate situations that I have control over. At first it made me feel a little unsure, but I’ve gotten used to this “fetish” of his.

Everything has been going fine for the past few weeks, but every so often, when the topic of femdom is brought up…I tell him that while I’m okay with this in a sexual way, I still like to be taken control of. So tonight, I told him I wanted sex…he came at me and threw me on the bed. I wont get into details, lets just say he was more rough than usual…and I got the feeling that not only was it hurting me…he wasn’t enjoying himself. Never the less, I let things continue this way for a good 10 minutes. When I had finally had enough and couldn’t take it anymore…I felt bad that he hadn’t come. So I took the power away from him. As soon as I did, he came within the first 2 minutes. When we were cleaning up in the bathroom I told him that I took the power from him to make him cum and that was the only way he did now. He looked down and away sort of in shame… I tried to talk to him about it, but he quietly sulked into the shower.

Some submissive guys are very uncomfortable with being aggressive with their partner. More so than the woman wishes at times.

You sound considerate and attentive: he’s a very lucky guy.

(this is her boyfriend. she told me she wrote this after I got out of the shower. Still naked, I got on my knees in front of her and proclaimed to her that it was a scary thing to give up my masculinity… but I loved her, so very very much. In a way that I have never felt I love her. I feel that way whenever she dominates me or tells me what to do (not asks, but tells). While we were talking she spilled something with the back of her chair, I jumped to get the cleaning supplies and she stood over me spanking my butt while I cleaned the stain. It was incredible! she then asked me to finish a few chores for her and went outside for a cigarette.

You don’t need to think of being submissive as surrendering your manhood. Among gay men who practice D/s the bottom is often very butch. Unless you ‘need’ for it to be so power exchange is not about gender roles. You can be a very manly submissive man.

While she read her words to me in this question, I got extremely aroused. I feel very submissive to her, and that is evident. Both of us enjoy it, but sometimes she wants to be taken. Though I am submissive I do enjoy the dominant role sometimes (simply physically however), but it feels awkward when I take her. I feel more that I am playing a role while when I am telling her what a slut I am, and how badly I worship her body, I feel more myself than at any other time in my life. I feel more “inside my own skin” in a way that I can hardly even describe.

The glib answer is that since she wants you to be a sexual aggressor at times you can best ‘serve’ her by being such.

My hope would be that after you’ve had more time and experience being submissive that you will also be able to enjoy also sometimes being the man who “takes” her. That when your probably long repressed desires have been satisfied you’ll be able to be more fluid sexually.

The two of you seem to care much for one another and be fairly adaptable. This is good even in the most vanilla romance. So strive to see if you aren’t capable of a range of response. If her needs aren’t met she might one day decide to search for a man who can fulfill them.

Richard
January 28, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑

l am a male of 50,

l am also a good cook, house cleaner, washing ironing, loving caring husband, handyman,lover, loyle to my wife who is 7 years my junior, we have been together for 14 years

l long to be my wifes slave to be sat on trampled, she says she is bossy with people at work and dosent need to be bossy at home! which is way l am writing this.</p> <p>l dont know how to tell her that l need to be told.

if any ladys can help. Please

Website: what am l doing wrong?

There seem to be a number of men in this age range who express identical feelings. Perhaps the increasing visible of BDSM in the mass media - or at least on the web - is showing them that some people with the same desires actually do satisfy them.

What you probably did wrong (and I don’t fault you for most of this) was repress your sexuality and marry the wrong woman.

Some folks seem to feel that almost any woman can be converted into a “mistress.”

As far as anyone call tell most women have no desire for this kind of dominance in a relationship. And aren’t sadistic. And few people in general are able to throw off their cultural conditioning.

Advocates of “stealth submission” would advise you to weight on her as much as possible, to anticipate her needs, perform all the household chores and the like. Even assuming that she’ll be comfortable with that it doesn’t follow that she’ll come to order you about.

Clearly you are a masochist. Even for naturally dominant women inflicting pain on a loved one is a separate stage of development. For the average person sadism is repugnant.

Normally I think that people should be completely honest about their needs and tell their partner. You probably should but have to weigh the possibility that you will estrange her and your shared life will become even more uncomfortable.

You do have the option of divorcing her with whatever economic and social fallout. That doesn’t guarantee that you stand any chance of finding a dominant woman who wants anything to do with you.

I hate to advocate any form of infidelity but there is the option of hiring a professional dominatrix. That might diminish some of the pressure you feel.

I wish I could offer you some encouragement but success would require more resourcefulness and luck than most men will have.

Richard
January 28, 2008 • Permalink • Leave a comment • Top↑